Writings from FL
Pain-on
My pain makes you hard…
I can picture you in your room, back to the wall, facing the door. One eye on it, the other on your computer screen.
My pain arouses you and it’s not from the paddle, bamboo or chain. It’s not the red welts that rise on my skin, the bruises that last for weeks.
It’s reading my emotional pain. My confusion and sadness.
You stroke harder as I get more desperate, losing my grace. You can almost hear how frantic I am. A smile crawls across your face and you squeeze your hard cock in your bent pleasure.
For days you keep yourself on that edge. At night reading my messages, stroking your bloated cock, thriving on my pain.
Now my messages are desolation, a pure sadness that drips through your screen. You can taste my tears, smell my sense of worthlessness. And your heart beats quicker, your blood, a roar in your ears. Have you ever felt anything as delicious as this?
My final message you waited all day to read, a tantalizing treat that kept you semi-hard. Prepared, imagining: a screaming, pleading, begging fit. A woman torn down, desperate for answers, bleeding uncontrollably, her crushed heart throbbing on your screen.
But what you read is acceptance, disappointment. A woman strong enough to know it’s not her fault. To place the blame and shame right where it belongs. On you. And your cock shrivels, your eyes go wide as you read it again and your balls try to hide.
I have cut you off. Shown an inner strength you never perceived. Shown a class you miscalculated. A sense of self you don’t understand. And now after hours, days, weeks of setting me up, your hunger for my pain growing, you are denied your release.
Deflated, limp, bested by Me.
10/29/15
Resting in Him
“How heavy is your heart?” He asked gently
I can’t carry it anymore. I said tiredly
“Let Me for a while” He said holding out His giving hands
I don’t know how. I said looking at my burdened heart helplessly.
“Trust in Me and let go” He said softly
I stared at my battered heart, afraid to believe, to hope. Slowly I lifted my hands and, feeling comfort, gave Him my sad heart.
“How tired is your spirit?” He asked, gently cradling my heart
I can’t find peace. I said, tears burning my eyes.
“Allow Me to ease you” He said the vibration of love filling His voice
How?! I cried dismayed, throwing up my trembling hands.
“Stop holding it so desperately. Have faith in Me” He instructed patiently
With a sigh of relief I laid my tired spirit in His hands next to my grieving heart.
“How tortured is your mind? He asked His face soft
I sobbed and shuddered overwhelmed, my mind a maze of pain, anger and fear.
I don’t want to hear it anymore. I choked out.
“Let Me give you silence” He offered eyes pleading with me
How? I gasped through my tears.
“Just like you gave Me your fragile heart and broken spirit. Let go” He whispered
I struggled for silent moments, fighting the smothering confines of my mind. Finally placing it in His accepting hands.
“Come rest for a while” He invited His hands cupping the precious, wasted pieces of me
How? I whimpered. Desperate for peace, for moments of being free, to be able to breathe.
He smiled kindly and said “Surrender to Me”
11/10/15