My heart yearns. My body is always aching for You. My mind craves Your touch. This incredible need that is constantly with me, like a second heartbeat. Has remade my world. Has opened up parts of me I didn’t know existed. Has shown me a new depth of emotion.
What can I offer to You? To bring You closer? To create some type of need, want and hunger in You, for me? What depth do I reach with You? Am I still on the outside, my breath fogging the wall around Your heart? Have pieces of me slipped inside of Your thoughts? Do I intrude as You go about Your day? Moments when You can hear something I said, remember something I wrote, a picture of me floating across Your vision?
I can only be me, with all of my flaws, all of my scars. The tragedies that have shaped me, taught me to keep my walls up. The lessons life has demonstrated that make me withdrawal, think less of who I really am. My experience in life and my absolute need to protect myself and to be safe. Has stunted my growth, dimmed my light and robbed me of so many things.
I can see You through my walls. I can hear You over the sound of that hateful voice. I can almost believe what Your intentions are. I am reaching, through broken dreams and bloody hope for You. I am letting myself go, piece by piece, taking a breath of untainted air. Hoping that You will be there, that You are true, that You are real.
I fear all I have to offer is myself. I battle with years of self-doubt to think that is enough. I praise my strength to still be on this earth, to be living in a new world, fighting for a new life. I doubt my abilities in holding You, in You wanting me. I know I am unique, as special in ways as everyone else. I hate myself at some points, let the demons out to play, the havoc they create has lasting effects. I love myself fiercely with pride and courage. I know I hate and rage and am ugly at times, selfish and shortsighted. I know I am a gift, what I can give is precious, a treasure unseen.
But I hope that my darkness is not too dark for Yours. That my twistedness is not too far out there for You. That my issues feed Your need to guide and help. That You can thrive on the challenge I will always be. That my hunger for You makes You feel as fallible and Masterful as I know You are. That this deep well of love I am aching to show You. Give to You, is as much as a gift to You as I know it is to me.
My utter and complete submission, my devotion, my being Your slave….I would be complete. But would You?
rebornkinky 